Cops 101

Things I've learned being a cop's wife.

Don't hide valuables in the fridge. Thieves tend to be the type of people who, after breaking into your house, trashing the place, stealing all you nice things, and totally exhausting themselves, will sit down at your dinner table and have themselves some of your left overs and big old glass of sweet tea. Then they'll have dessert.

Never, ever whine, complain, argue or fight with a cop. They don't know the whole story because they weren't there. They have to rely on the call they received, and their safety is their first priority. You start acting like a lunatic, and ERRRRBODY GOES TO JAIL. Ok well probably not jail, but you'll end up in handcuffs, when you could have just been respectful.

Cops deal with a lot of different people. Most of them are the slime on society's backside. They all speak with different accents, dialects, etc. So cops are multi-lingual. They speak english, thug, ebonics, angry-old-woman-screech, pissed-off-gangsta, high-society-eloquence, judicial jargon, and many more. And they're good at it. THey're like the kids who grow up in a bilingual home...they just effortlessly switch back and forth based on who they're talking to. It's actually really entertaining.


Drunk people aren't usually funny, but occasionally you get one that's as hilarious as the TV shows make them out to be. They'll sit on a rotten banana without realizing it. Then they'll tell you they're 22 with a 19 year old son. Five minutes later they'll be 19, and swear they haven't had a drink, Officer. The bad part is when the cop has to clean the rotten banana off his back seat and throw his gloves away cause he can't get the banana smell out.

They may not admit to it, but cops have special radio codes for going to the bathroom. Cops poop too, y'all.